Bonding with Baby

“Once my ex partner woke up and I wasn't needed any more, everything hit.”

Dads’ ability to bond with their baby was inextricably linked with their wellbeing as a parent. Sometimes dads struggled to know how they could bond, particularly antenatally and in the early weeks and months before their baby was verbal.

“I’d love to learn what baby likes, how I could bond…what other dads do to bond as well.”

“I loved having information on things like bathing, it gave us something to share.”

Some dads felt that because they hadn’t really understood how to bond with a very young child they resigned themselves to developing a relationship when the child was older. Dads for whom this had been the case expressed sadness and regret that they had missed out on earlier bonding opportunities.

ِExperienced Early Help workers who regularly supported families antenatally, told us that they had a lot of success supporting dads to learn practical baby-care skills such as how to change a nappy and how bath a baby and used the learning of these skills as opportunities for reminders about how to incorporate bonding into baby-care. This also served as a useful prompt to talk to dads about the links between responsive-care giving, infant brain development, bonding and attachment.

Dads also appreciated having ideas of things to do with their baby at different ages and stages of development, such as can be found in the BBC’s Tiny Happy People Activities series.

Case Study

One dad we spoke to was really struggling with his mental health after the premature birth of his baby. His wife was recovering from a traumatic birth and his baby was being cared for in a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). He was spending long periods of with his baby in the NICU but felt lost, alone and helpless. On one of his visits a nurse noticed him sitting with his baby and came to hand him a book. She explained that the baby could hear and recognise his voice and that reading to his baby would provide a great way for them to bond and would also soothe his baby. Following this interaction the dad described feeling a complete change in his emotions. He read and re-read the book to his baby whilst they stayed in the NICU, feeling a sense of purpose and a strong sense of connection. He still reads this book to his son, who is now a toddler. He said:

“That one interaction changed my whole experience.”